Jun. 30, 2015

Ending Pain

We feel pain, the funny thing about pain is it comes in two forms. A visual form, and a hidden form. Not all pain is physical. I think we as a society forget the hidden aspects of pain. Yeah, I hurt a lot from my knee injury. I don't complain, I actually hide it. Everyday I am reminded of my phyiscal pain by the restrictions it has taken on my life. No running, not squating, no kneeling, "you can not do stairs." Doesn't sound like much until you are in a building and the fire alarm goes off and the elevators are closed. Then stairs it is, just because I hide it doesn't me that it doesn't exist. It is so very much there as much so as a broken arm wrapped in a cast.

Along with physical pain is emotional pain. This I believe to be the most difficult to deal with. It nestles it's self into a comfortable place in your head and it throws out ideas of where it might be hiding. Some blame past experiences, some blame fear, some blame others, however the true fact is, that it's pain. It is telling you loudly that you are hurt. Your brain needs some tinder loving care. Some are afraid to show that kind of pain, for they fear that it is weakness. Others walk all around it and sip-up every bit of attention they can get from it.

Whether it is emotion or physical, PAIN is very much alive. It steals sleep from you. It makes feelings so much stronger. You suffer in the same ways. When both kinds pain, goes untreated or is pushed away it causes bigger problems. Other on-sets in life begin. You steep deeper and harder on to patterns you regret, or try to stray from. (like an addiction) In the end is this helpful? Naw, you are still dealing with pain just in different asspects now, in different forms.

How do you deal with pain, how do I deal with pain? I have been healthy and unhealth about how I face pain. I have engrosed myself in an eating disorder, I ignore physical pain to gain one step ahead which has landed me one step behind. I have pushed family and friends away in beliefs that I am not worthy of their love and support. I have hidden myself from my goals, my laughter, my happiness, my alivelness, and my joy. All in all, this has hurt me more than helped.

Don't think that distracting from the illusion will help it disappear, cause it doesn't. It will just supresses it until you are vulnerable and then it gives you a bigger wammy, right smack between the eyes or in your chest, headaches you don't want or need. In the past I've painted. "No," not what pain looks like or what it feels like but painted a picture of what life would be like would be like without it. Or how I've felt with when I felt no pain, free from pain. That really helped me reflect on the moments and yes there are some of where pain didn't exist. That pain was just a thought and that joy destroyed it.